Romantic relationships are full of situations where different needs collide. Psychologist Johanna Degen explains why a compromise is often not the best solution and how it can be done better.
TIME magazine:
Let’s go on a relaxing wellness vacation or go hiking for 10 hours every day: Is a compromise the best solution in such a situation, Ms. Degen?
Johanna Degen: Not necessarily. Compromises have far too good a reputation. They often result in no one getting what they want or deserve. This applies to both couple relationships and family systems. Agreeing in the middle has many disadvantages. Let’s take your vacation example and say one person likes to sleep in and have a quiet spa day, and the other is an early riser and likes to go hiking early in the morning. The compromise would be to get up at 9. Then one doesn’t have enough sleep, the other has been awake since 5 a.m. and has built up resentment for four hours, and you go hiking in the midday sun. That doesn’t make sense to anyone.
